So its 11:57pm.

I was sitting down to write a blog that was to cover the various weird shit that has happened in the past few days since I blogged last. I had actually started to write. I gave it a happening blog title and everything. Then out of the clear blue my beloved mother calls. Now when the phone rang the G/f looked at me and wondered who could be calling. I immediately said “That’s my mother telling us what time Christmas dinner is.”

People Reading Blog: Wait. You’re bringing your Jewish Girlfriend to Christmas dinner?

Me: Yeah. Yeah I know. Don’t ask.

I was considering cooking Christmas dinner. Then I changed my mind since it required me to actually cook Christmas dinner.

But I didn’t really have plans. So Then my delightful mother called this afternoon and basically told me I was coming to her house to have a turkey dinner. Now I have Veggie McNutallergy girl(another name for g/f) with me for the holidays so I informed my mother of my current holiday companion.

Mother: When she goes to her family she doesn’t bring you.

Me: Hmph.

And then we hung up the phone. The Girl stayed home for the holidays to spend time with me and I’d be a bit douchy to throw her to the wayside. So I was content staying in the house. Then a phone call came about 2 hours later.

Mother: I’ll cook mac & cheese. She can eat that right? She can eat that!?

And I almost said “Awww“ because I realized she wanted to have dinner with me so bad she was trying to accommodate el chica as much as possible. So fine. I’m a dick if I don’t agree to dinner. Then she tells me I have to cook a dish for the girl since I know how to cook shit she eats. I don’t know what that meant, because she’s not like some exotic animal, but whatever. We go get fish so I can play my part in this arrangement.

Then, as I said in the beginning of this post, its 11:57pm at night with mother on the phone.

She’s telling me of the food she’s cooking. She’s cooking for a fucking army. It’s just me and El Chica, and she’s cooking A turkey, Pan of Mac & Cheese, Quiche, Stuffing, Mash Potatoes, and some other foods that are completely unnecessary. And now she’s demanding I talk to her while she cooks said food. Oh, then she threw out this gem.

“I bought some Sparkling Apple Cider so we can toast. I don’t know what we gonna toast.”

Read:

“You’re bringing your Jew girlfriend to Christmas Dinner and I don’t know what she celebrates. Hava Nagila or some other nonsense. But whatever, long as she doesn’t try to kill my lord and savior again.”

I eventually just put The Girl on the phone. We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary, implying that we’re going to be together for a while, so I Figure she needs to get used to this. She actually handled herself very well and entertained mother for a while. I wasn’t even that nervous that one would say something to the other that would embarrass me. I’m too old for that shit. She’s my mother, the other is my girlfriend. They know me about as well as anyone will. I actually started to hear them discuss my ADD and Hyper focus.

I guess I should just smile and laugh. Oh, and start writing the sitcom.

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