I was at a San Loco over on the Lower East Side last night eating with el girlfriend, Udi Paz, and some other comedian who’s name escapes me(the fact that I remember I ate out last night is miracle, let alone everyones name who was involved.) and in the midst of our merriment a fight broke out.

IN THIS CORNER
5′6, Weighing 115 pounds, with a few bad ass tattoos that play against her soft facial features, the Goth waitress chick.

AND IN THIS CORNER
5′2, Weighing 135 Pounds, little bit too much make up, and talking on her cell phone, angry latina chick.

Now I wasn’t listening to it at first. The 2 of them was yelling, but it was the type of yelling that just HAS to be 2 friends fucking around because otherwise it would be really really awkward. But the yelling continued and finally really caught my attention when the Goth waitress was like

“Get out! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE STORE”

To which the Angry Latina chick replied “NO, I ain’t leaving shit!”

So whatever conversation us comics where having went out the flippin’ window. There was a lot of back and forth, and angry Latina was breaking out words that didn’t sound like she had ever used before, like professionalism and shit like that* but the best part, THE ABSOLUTE BEST PART of the whole situation was when Angry Latina chick yelled…

“Maybe if you were getting fucked you wouldn’t be acting like this.”

“Maybe you need to get fucked” Great come back Goth lady.

“I get fucked every day okay! Every Day!”

…

I have never heard an admission of slutty behavior** used as a defense. Literally 3 guys in the rooms faces lit up, trying to figure out how they could make this happen. I didn’t need to hear any more. My morbid fascination with the whole situation had been satisfied with one beautiful utterance.

“I get fucked everyday okay! EVERY DAY.”

I want all of us to rally around this quote. Put it at the end of your emails. Put it as the tag line on your MySpace profile, any where quotes are used. And personally? I think The world will become a better place.

One.

*When I say never used before, it wasn’t because she was Latina, but because she was obviously not that bright and when non-bright people are in confrontational situations they seem to love to break out a few choice multi syllable words to try to seem as if they aren’t as ghetto as they actually are.

She failed.

**Now you may say “Well maybe she gets fucked everyday by her boyfriend or husband. I don’t think so. She had just tried to get some random dude who might’ve been hitting on her at the counter to pay for her food. She was on the prowl, or if not, she was trying to scam people which means I think shes slutty anyway.

And scene.

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