Yes. I almost died. Again.

Its almost not that interesting when “I” almost die because it’s not uncommon. It’s not like its shcoking. I almost die, people go ‘OH GOD!’ then once they see I’m alive they go ‘AGAIN?’

“How’d you almost die this time Elon?”

Okay. First I should give you a tad bit of backstory.

Before I started comedy I used to hang out at a restuarant named ‘The Islands’(I still hang out there) but it was the beggining. It was new. One day they asked me to do some deliveries for them. I was like ‘Cool, whatevs’ That was right until I got on the bike they had. It had zero brakes people. I quickly found out that breaking was dependant on me screeching to a halt with my sneekers/shoes pressed against the ground. There was lots of laughter and everyone thought it was amusing.

Fast forward like 5 Years.

I was at the restuarant and I did a few deliveries for the restaurant. I realized the brand new bike was having the same problem. I bring up the fact that I almost died before, and they suggest that I get it fixed then. I say I’ll do it. I’ll just ride the bike home and take it back to the shop when i get up the next day.

I made it approximately 8 blocks.

Thats when I black out. Not because I had been drinking(not a drop, all dieting and shit) its because there was some sort of impact. I can’t say what I hit, or Hit me , but i know it hurt.

I dont think you understand how disturbing it is to be missing a portion of your life, and you didn’t even drink the alcohol to explain it. All of a sudden boom, i was no longer here then boom I was.

I wake up to a cop questioning me. Like asking me what happened. I don’t remember the questions. I remember being very very confused. The only thing I could think of at first was that my girlfriend wasn’t here. Id dont know why that was at tht top of my important list when I was almost killed, but it was incredibly important.

The Cop then bails.

Doesn’t call 911. Doesn’t call an ambulance. Nothing. Just bails. Everyone I know has been trying to figure out why the cop didnt do anything. Some say he’s racist, others just an asshole, but i swear to god, as I was typing this blog It came to me that maybe…maybe he hit me. That would explain why he was questioning me then bailed so fast. I couldn’t answer anything when he left. I was in a state of temporary amnesia.

Thank God the more I talked to myself the more I remembered. Eventually I remembered my best friends number and called him and then I remembered where I came from and called the restuarant.

Fahnon arrives, I think right after the breakdown, because believe me people you get hit, bleed everywhere, see your bike totalled and your g/f is out of town and you’ll have a mini breakdown yourself, and he takes me to the hospital. I wont say WHERE I went since I couldnt afford to go and went by an alias.

Times are hard folks.

Later I find that I have had ‘Major Head Truama’ various fractures to the face and possible bleeding in the brain. Twas not a fun evening.

I’d try to tell the interesting part about the hospital and shit but my head is hurting. I need to laydown. Happens when your face is CRACKED!

ejw

Share This

Popularity: 8% [?]

Recently:

• Place related post plugin php here...
• - Post 1
• - Post 2
• - Post 3
• - Post 4
• - Post 5
• - Post 6