Alright. I’ll continue the story from yesterday(yes, its clickable.)

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As ‘The Girl’’s dad sat in his chair Michelle Pfiffer in a Coolio Video style and her mother laid back on the couch I sat in the chair farthest away. I was totally confused as to what I should be doing. I know these people don’t particularly care for me, or better yet the idea of me, so I’m not sure what to do. Like I said before, when my own mother took us out to dinner I had nothing to say for like 45 minutes, and she likes me.

Sorta.

But these people had issues with me about things that I have no control over. This wasn’t fun. I’m just sweating and staring at the ground, like some sort of pedophile visiting the house of his neighbor who’s child he consistently diddles. Her mom kinda broke the silence.

“So what did you do today.”

First thought?: Your daughter. And please note, that wasn’t out of disrespect or anything but its my defense mechanism. I wanted to make a joke, say something outrageous or silly so that the room could loosen up. Can I get a mic and like 10 minutes for christsake!? I’ll do a little crowd work, and this day will go a whole lot better.

But my response to their question I think was almost as bad as the first one. What did I do that day?

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

That wasn’t even TRUE. I did plenty. I gave myself heart palpatations worrying over the family coming over. That’s what I should have said. Honesty is always best. But no. I say nothing. Which, by the way, was especially bad because ‘The Girl’ told them that she had been working all day on a freelance assignment, and then I’m just sitting around doing nothing. 1 point for lazy black stereotypes. Why don’t I break out a bucket of fried chicken and eat some watermelon. Then we can really get this sonuvabitch on the road.

The girl comes out and some more back and forth happens between her parents but I don’t even remember what they were saying. It was just a blur of speech. I was too busy crying on the inside.

They were trying to figure out what they wanted to eat. They didn’t want to travel far from where we were so it was a toss up between Thai and Italian. And no one could decide. Now this isn’t a big deal, but it did bother me. No one asked me. ‘Hey Elon, where would you like to go.’ or ‘Hey, what do you think is a good choice.’ I was just there and I’d go wherever they picked.

Indeed.

They picked Italian. Which is good because I wanted Italian and would have caused some serious…Well…Nothing. I would eaten in the Thai restaurant like a bitch.

We get in and after we get to the table and look at the menu one of the first things ‘The Girl’’s mom does is order a glass of wine. I’m thinking she needs to dull the pain. Oh! I think I’ve forgotten to point a very, very important point.

No one’s actually looking at me.

I mean her Mother looks at me but when I look at her she quickly turns away. And her Father just looks down, at the ground or at the mother. But not at me. So that was great.

Then dinner proceeds. Her Mother’s first glass went by really really fast. She soon ordered another. And a conversation was had at the table. Just with out me. It was about things that had nothing to do with me. Things that, really, I’m not sure I’m supposed to care about. But they were talking atleast. ‘The Girl’ would try to give me back story as to what was happening in the stories, but really. Come on.

From my understanding, these folks had come down to meet me. But these folks weren’t meeting me. They were having a dinner with their daughter while I was present. I tried to interject occasionally but it wasn’t really a conversation. As her mother finished her second glass of wine, she was slightly nicer than before. Her Father. The same all evening.

I was eventually asked how long had I been doing comedy and what I do by day. I answered. And we moved on to stuff, again, that was about whatever they’re doing.

Dinner ends We sit there for like another 45 minutes. And I couldn’t be like ‘CAN WE GET THIS BITCH MOVING.’ because that would have been inappropriate. So I sit there. I continue to say something here and there.

Now during the evening, what will make this a story for the ages, is that a bacherlorette party was happening in the back. So while my life was slowly spinning out of control, it had a happening soundtrack of techno and horney women screaming every 2 minutes. Fun indeed.

We left. I shook their hands and they went home. And that was that.

I heard from ‘The Girl’ that one of her friends told her that he heard her mom and his mom talking and her mom said ‘He was really quiet. Didn’t really say much. I don’t really see what the fuss is over.’

Man. Tis a good thing I love my g/f or that would have gotten another 3 paragraph response.

‘Hey Elon, do you still care about what the parents think?’

Er…no.

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