My mother emailed me a few times last week. I had every intension of contacting her back, but I, uh, how do you say…Suck…At the whole e-mail correspondence thing.

So finally on Saturday while riding down to Gilad’s house (Me and ‘The Girl’ helped him paint a little) I think, hey let me call Ma and see what’s up.

Now, I could have been on the edge when I called her because I was experiencing a very strange bus ride. It seems that some guy who could have been Dante Nero’s doppelgänger was driving the bus.

‘Hey Elon, you mean the guy was just the ‘Bus Driver?’

No. I mean some dude was just driving the bus. I’m fairly positive that this guy was NOT a bus driver. I believe this guy beat up the bus driver and then took his bus and was driving it and was like ‘You know what? I like this shit. I’m driving it from NOOOOOW on.’

He seemed to especially enjoy every time we would start to move yelling ‘Hold on, WE MOVIN’!’

Every…Time.

I’ll talk about bus driver boy later. He’s like a post all to himself. Back to my mother.

So I’m talking to my mother and I mention I’m going to be in her neighborhood. She asks why and I stop for a moment. My mother dislikes hearing that I’m doing anything(that could be considered nice) with anyone(thats not her). Like when she heard that I share my food with ‘The Girl’.

“He shares with you?” Cue glare at me…”Oh, you are going to be my daughter in-law cause he doesn’t share ANYTHING with me.”

Lord.

So I realize I shouldn’t mention any aspect of me being involved with the painting. So I’m like “Um…’The Girl’ has volunteered herself to go help a friend paint.’

‘Oh, so you’re gonna go paint someone’s HOUSE? If I asked you to do ANYTHING you’d have excuses and-’

‘I didn’t say ‘I’m‘ going to paint. I said ‘she‘ is going to paint’

‘Then why are you with her then?’

‘She doesn’t know how to get there, and its in Prospect Heights.’

‘You know what? You just do all types of stuff with that girl. If you would have done all the stuff you do with her when you were living here with me, I mean…besides all the sexual stuff, we woulda got along better.’

I think I’m just gonna let that marinate.

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