So its official. The meeting is going to happen. Im going to be in a room with my Mother and My girlfriend.

I feel faint.

I’m trying to keep my composure. I’m fine. Really. Tis cool. I don’t care. Ha. I’m a bad man. I roll how I roll, I’m not afraid of anything that they can say or do or…

I feel faint.

Meetings between my girlfriends and my mother never go smoothly. The first time she met one it eventually broke down to them having a power struggle over what I might wear to a party.

Mother: Oh, you should wear a nice hat with that…

Girlfriend # 1: No he’s gonna get his hair cut. Maybe some waves…

Mother: But you’d look good in a hat Elon.

Gilfriend # 1: No hat.

Mother: Us Whites wear hats dear, its something you wouldnt understand.

And I kinda stood there wishing I was capable of teleportation.

The next meeting with a girlfriend was under really extreme circumstances. You see, my mother was in the hospital after having a heart attack. The Current girlfriend at the time drove me there and came up to the room. My mother and uncle was in the room and they were cordial. Then the Current Girlfriend walked out of the room.

Uncle: What is he trying to do?

Mother: Trying to give me another heart attack

Me: What, what did I do?

Mother: Bringing some white girl to the hospital and-

Me: She’s not white. She’s Ecuadorian

Uncle: Looks white.

Me: She’s not white!

Mother: Guess he figures, ‘I’ll finish her off. She already had a couple heart attakcs, I’ll bring the white girl in and she’ll just drop dead.

Me: She’s NOT WHITE.

And that contined for a while.

So now, with no buffer(we’re meeting my mother AT my Mothers house where she lives alone, sans me) and their just gonna talk. Talk about what? ABOUT WHAT? Im the only common interest! My pentecostal mama and my jewish girlfriend have NOTHING in common. This is a disaster in the making. I’m foolish to have agreed to it. Maybe I was runnign low on material so i figured ‘Hey, let me manufacture some jokes. What happens when I put this and this together. I think its called, hillarity.’

I may have to drink before hand.

ejw

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