I don’t like watching anything that has to do with people that have money and the things they buy. Cars, houses, third world babies, NOTHING. It annoys the holy fuck out of me. I’m constantly trying to figure out what 6 year old I molested in a past life that I get this fricken life, yet 50 cent, who sings praises of murder and drug sales, gets to live in a mansion and have movies. What the F#<& did I do? I probably screwed up before I left heaven. I’m a smart ass. I can see some lower level Angel, like an administrative Angel asking me some questions before I get sent down to earth…

Administrative Angel: Name?

Pre-Born Me: Name? I ain’t got no name. I haven’t even been born yet. That’s a
stupid question to ask someone who hasn’t even been born. Can’t a brotha’ at
least get through the womb before you start asking dumb ass questions. Just sign
my papers and I’m out!

[Elon crip walks out off of the line]

Administrative Angel: Oh, you think that’s funny Mr.
Funny man? You know what I think is funny? I think a 27 year old male
is living at home with his mother and has no discernable income is HILLARIOUS. I
think I’ll make a special note on his profile. Oh, and since he’s so funny, try
being a comedian asshole. (insert maniacal laughter) Happy days on earth fucker!

That is the official story I’m going with. It doesn’t make sense any other way. How else do you explain this shit. HOW? Then you have people like fricken Maddox who must’ve given that same Angel a blow job. Okay I’m not sure if angels even have penises but the fucker got something.

Oh, you’re probably wonder who the fuck is Maddox.

Maddox is the four year old kid of Angelina Jolie. This kid was DOOMED! He was born in like a third world country! He was destined for fly’s on the face and everything. EVERYTHING. Then fricken ANGELINA JOLIE shows up and swoops in takes the kid and now he wears 200 dollar designer pants. The kids rockin’ a faux hawk! He is living the life of luxury. And then on top of it his mom starts screwing BRAD FUCKING PIT. That’s money times fuck!

I’m gonna have a heart attack.

John Travolta gives his kids 1 million dollars for every birthday the kid has. First birthday? 1 million. Second birthday? 2 million.

Ya know what I got for my birthday? A plaque commemorating the death of the pope. I didn’t even get that from my mom, I got that from fricken Baron Vaughn!
What type of karma is this? I hope the Brooklyn Comedy Company helps me atone for my past sins. “Look, I’m creating venues for comics to grow and move to the next steps in their career!”

Administrative Angel: Yeah. Thats just great. So what do
you want this time around? Leper or AIDS
patient.

About to be born again me: Atleast its an upgrade.

I’m out

Share This

Popularity: 5% [?]

Recently:

• Place related post plugin php here...
• - Post 1
• - Post 2
• - Post 3
• - Post 4
• - Post 5
• - Post 6