“Ode to being an ASSHOLE”

So I’m at the Stand-Up NY Holiday party tonight. Nice party, see a bunch of the regulars there. Turn over into the corner and I see Chris Rock. I don’t know Chris Rock, but my brain comes up with an absolutely genious plan. Go over and talk to him. Maybe even mention that little project that like 50 people keep telling you to contact Chris Rock for. So there I go. Walking over to the man. I’m smooth. It’s like fricken slow motion. I’m smiling, doing the point and shoot at people as I walk over there. I get to Rock and I’m all;

“Hey Mr. Rock, sir, My name is Elon James White, I really love your work”

He looks at me. Stares blankly. Shakes my hand…kinda, then immediantly turns away to talk to this dude standing next to him.

I immediately felt like a dick.

I then walk a way with my tail between my legs and try to relax on the side. I decide I’m not going back over there. That was enough embarrasment for one day. But as luck would have it, an hour or so later, he has to pass directly through the group im with to leave. We all greet him, and I have the brilliant Idea of trying to talk to him AGAIN.

I say AGAIN!

“Mr. Rock, um…what agency..er…management…er..I mean place you work with to book your shows?”

I think thats almost exactly what I said. Had I been drinking I would’ve blamed it on that completely. But NOOOOO. I had to be “Sober” I had to be in “Control of my Faculties”. Meaning that any assholic mistakes I made where strictly my own fault. I barely remember what happened next. Its a blur. I’ve heard putting your foot in your mouth does that sometimes. Actually causing memory loss. Its rare though. It was like a holy experience. I felt tingly and a bit sweaty. I think I heard God. Or it might have been My buddy Celeste saying “Shut the fuck up Elon” in my ear in a low monotone.

So that’s that. I continued on at the party. I was made fun by all my annoying comic friends who thought it was hysterical my pain and suffering. And they were pretty funny in their busting of my chops. I guess all that comedic timing really paid off.

Damn them ALL to hell.

So I think my lesson from this…is this. Don’t be an asshole. Leave people alone at holiday parties. Unless its Beyonce Knowles. Then you have no choice but to go over and make an ass out of yourself. It’s your DUTY.

End Scene.

Share This

Popularity: 4% [?]

Recently:

• Place related post plugin php here...
• - Post 1
• - Post 2
• - Post 3
• - Post 4
• - Post 5
• - Post 6