So I bombed Wednesday night.

I am supposed to try again tonite. I’m literally scared. I haven’t really felt fear before. I felt nervousness. I felt a little jittery. but actual straight up fear? Nope. Haven’t felt this before. My chest is actually hurting. I am trying to think of any and every reason not to go tonite. But I have to get back on stage. I know thats the rule, it just doesn’t feel particularly good. I just want to run and hide.

But then theres the contest in less than 2 weeks. Theres the new talent showcase in less than 2 weeks. I’m supposed to be funny by now. I was funny a week ago. But all of a sudden I’m scared. I’m unsure. And i want to run so far in to the west its not even funny.
I want to write how I’m going to get back on the horse and ride this out. But I’m scared shitless, F$ isn’t really speaking to me so I think its bothering me. I tried to just get past that today but he’s acting all funky. Okay. Yeah. Thats bothering me. I don’t know what he wants. I thought he was acting like an ass, yet I got over it. But then again, my friends are few and far between. I have a bitchload of people I know casually but when it comes to friends. ITs different. The new bar I hang out at arn’t really friends with me. They tolerate me, but I don’t think they actually like me. Its more because of Lula Mae and Ms. Monroe that they deal. And on top of all this, My mother is pissed at me for no good reason. I borrowed money from her, and was going to pay her back a few bucks extra. She then said she spent money she shouldn’t have and she needs to borrow more, so fine, I agree to giving her 300 dollars more. then at the last second she decides she wants to borrow another hundred on top of that. I tell her I’m going to think about it, I was going to drop the cash off by her straight after work but she wasn’t going to be home and i wanted to do some things later that night, so i offered to give her the money this morning. She got angry with me cause I didn’t give it to her last night. SHE COULDN’T HAVE DONE ANYTHING MORE WITH IT LAST NIGHT THAN SHE DID WITH IT THIS MORNING.

Anyway, I couldn’t afford to throw in an additional 400 dollars so i gave her the money i owed her, plus 50, plus an additional 300. She wasn’t satisfied, and said i was messing her up. I SPECIFICALLY said i don’t know about the extra hundred. She’s still pissed. So i got her on my back. I got F$, I got TiR riding me about my lack of banging women, I got the comedy thing going oh so bad, and…and…

I dunno. I just. Don’t. Know.

yeah. I’m done.

How he’s feeling

Share This

Popularity: 5% [?]

Recently:

• Place related post plugin php here...
• - Post 1
• - Post 2
• - Post 3
• - Post 4
• - Post 5
• - Post 6