I can’t quite put my finger on it.

It’s like…It’s like…I don’t wish bad things on her. I don’t understand it.

Hillary Clinton spoke at the DNC yesterday during the 2nd night festivities. I was in full “I will hate her forever” mode as I tuned into see her speech. I wasn’t the biggest fan during her campaign for the democratic nomination. (Read: Wished an Alien Invasion upon her home. Not earth. Just her home) I wil also freely admit that her overzealous supporters are not helping the situation at all. With idiocy such as this crazyness floating around and then the PUMAs getting air play I find myself grinding my teeth at the mere mention of Hillary Clinton.

Last night I heard her do a lot of self congratulating (which…come on, you knew she WAS going to do) but I feel like she clearly stated to her supporters to shut the fuck up. She said it best when she threw out;

“I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me? Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him? Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids? Were you in it for that boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage? Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?”

I’d argue a lot of of these dingbats would respond “We were in it for YOU!”

I thought, and please note, this was just my own silly logic, but I thought that the problem here was the type of leadership that we currently have. I thought the Democratic party was against the way we are currently being governed and wanted change. Not someone who feels things are fairly decent now and wants to keep it going, but someone who wasn’t apart of the current machine. Not someone who is pro-Iraq, but someone who wants to fix this horrendous mistake of ours. For some strange cooky reason I thought that whoever was the Democratic Nominee, would be the better choice than the one Bush wants to pass the torch to.

Obviously I was mistaken. My bad. Yay, McCain. If ya can’t get Hillary, OBVIOUSLY McCain is the choice.

What was I thinking?

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After Obama announced Joe Biden as his official running mate, there was the onslaught of news outlets all vying for our attention. They wanted to give their spin on the new democratic ticket. The NY Post was happy to have their homepage covered with the term: JOEBAMA!

Ahem.

Quick note to all those who might think that they want to refer to Mr. Obama and Mr. Biden as JoeBama: If you do, I will punch you in the face. Seriously. Directly in the face. No warning. I won’t say “I’m sorry can you repeat that?” or “Whatchu’ just say muthaf*cka?” I will just immediately sock you. This will probably  not be a pleasant moment for someone trying to play the dozens with me: They’ll start their attack with “Yo Mama” and I’ll probably assume they said “JoeBama” and punch them in the face as well.

Why would they use the same schema that’s used for starlets, socialites and their beaus for the next possible president of the United States of America? I don’t ever remember hearing “Bu-cheny” or “Dick & Bush” when they were running. How about “Clintore” or “Bilal” (which would have gotten the neo soul vote). Sorry, didn’t happen. But NOW we get JOEBAMA.

Did I already threaten physical harm to all those who use this? This threat also extends to O’Biden and any other variation of the term. I’m starting to work out just so I can deliver the proper harm to all those involved.

Another thing I’ve been hearing is that Clinton supporters are saying they’re moving on to McCain for president since they feel their voices “weren’t heard.” The Post and Newsday even wrote that McCain is trying to woo Clinton Supporters.

Here’s my question: What type of Democrat who previously believed in the ideals of the CLINTON campaign CHANGES their mind and decides that McCain is the choice? What chemically imbalanced person now thinks that in the wake of the Clinton campaign breaking down, the obvious choice is to support FRICKEN McCAIN? McCain and Clinton weren’t exactly twins when it comes to policy on almost anything. How could your reaction to a lack of Clinton be to defect to McCain?

They might as well have said “since the Democratic Party has decided to ignore our voices, in protest we’re going to start felating AIDS-infested penises. That’s right. We want to show that when 18 million Americans aren’t heard we will respond in kind!”

“But Elon, that wouldn’t help anything at all if they did that.”

Exactly.

Actually Voting for McCain is worse then that. If they did the whole AIDS-felating thing they would just hurt themselves. Voting for McCain hurts EVERYONE. Stop being stupid Hillary supporters. What about the millions of Obama supporters, hmmm? Should they just be ignored? Candidates lose all the time. Since when is it a national crime? (Well one time it might have been a national crime.)

I am hating almost everybody right now.

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Although I did not take a trip out to Denver to see this historic convention I did however host a DNC watching party here in NYC at DCTV. 
I’m not going to say anything ill about the speeches tonight…hold on, thats a lie. Why would I even say that right before I’m obviously going to say ill things about said speeches? Was it me or was the speeches lacking charisma? Maybe Pelosi lit the stage up (We we’re watching CNN who decided that looking at Wolf Blitzers mug was way more important than the Speaker of the House..um..well, speaking. Dumbasses) but the people I heard were boring as shit. Ted Kennedy just made me feel bad. Its like seeing your grandfather out and you just really wish he would live his days out comfortably instead of trying to work in the garden Dude, go home. Rest for the love of God. (By the way, who decided that video of him on a yacht was a good idea? We don’t need more cries of privilege and elitism.)

Obama’s sister? Michelle’s brother? Get some speech writers. Fuck that sincerity nonsense. I want to be wowed.  I don’t want to believe you sat at home and wrote this. Get a speech coach. You guys are representing more than just your families now. YOU’RE BLACK AMERICA! You didn’t say thing ignorant perse but I would have liked to see the white folks I was surrounded by shocked at the eloquence that you showed.

Jessie Jackson Jr? Seriously Stop bringing up Martin Luthor King. We know. He had a dream. I’m black and soon as he started up I was like “For christ sake”. How awkward must it be for this dude knowing his dad was talking major shit about this dude, and now he has to sing the praises. Oh, and stop preaching. Just speak. Fucking just TALK man!

And CNN, quick question. What the fuck is up with the black facts at the bottom of the screen. Do I really need to be reminded that the first black delegates didn’t show up until 1868? I’d prefer not think of those times. Who the hell thought that was a good idea  No, better question, Who the hell o.k’ed that idea? Who saw this idea on his desk and was like “Man, that sounds like GOLD. GET ME SOME NEGRO FACTS IN HERE IMMEDIATELY!”

I will say this. Michelle Obama did bring the goods. I found myself thinking “Man, she’s a better speaker than Hillary by FAR!” That’s gotta sting right? Forget the nominee, his wife is better at hyping people up than you are. Ouchie. She didn’t preach (ahem, Jessie) she just spoke with passion and seemed as if she believed what she was saying and hadn’t practiced it over and over in the mirror (which I’m sure she did, but she didn’t SEEM like it) Kudos to Michelle.  She catches a lot of flack but she came off quite well I thought. And seriously, she may be the hottest First lady in 50 years.

I do wish they could have reined in the kids. Somebody cut the Obama daughters mics off!  Or atleast the youngest, we kinda have a FRICKEN CONVENTION GOING ON HERE. We’re dealing with sattelites and shit to connect to OBAMA! STOP INTERRUPTING. I assume the conversation in the control booth went something like this.

Control Guy 1: “Dude, the youngest one keeps talking.”

Control Guy 2: “Cut her mic.”

 Control Guy 1: “I’m not cutting her mic. You cut her mic. Thats possibly the daughter of the next president. I ain’t doin’ shit!”

Control Guy 2: “Agreed. Let her roll. Hope she doesn’t drop an F’ Bomb.”

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This is in fact a BROWN Trout. This pic doesn’t enhance this post at all.

In an interesting turn of events. It seems what I thought was a simple crazy conversation that happened to me one day seems to be an epidemic across the web. People across the country are being randomly messaged about trout. The name seems to switch up. Sometimes we may have ApatheticTrout, Affinetrout, MediumSizedTrout. But the conversation seems to start with the same intro of the conversation that I put up a few posts ago.  Do we have an internet phenom on our hands? Or just a truly bored dude who who enjoys some hot trout talk.

Who knows.

But I do know that people are searching about it. And to those people I say “Hi.”

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Sara Benincasa.

Yes this was the exact moment she realized she had breast.

My friend Sara Benincasa is a strange bird.  First of all, we’re friends and I don’t even realize when that happened. She some how magically hijacked me and I let it happen. I am not a friendly fellow. I’m the muthafuckin shit er…a joy to be around, but not terribly friendly. This young lady some how took my abnormally cantankerous personality and cut a hole through it and boom. I speak to her now every other day. She’s skilled, I’ll give you that.

I log into facebook yesterday (because thats how I roll) and I see that Ms. Benincasa has written a note (its a facebook blog for those of you not in the know) requesting that all those in the world vote for her to be on a sexy blogger calendar. Now I know what you may be thinking dear reader, but no! Sara has no need to be on this calendar for mere ego. No, she has concocted a scheme.

It seems that Michelle Malkin, republican hypeman (Think Flava Flav for Conservatives. I’m talking Public Enemy Flav, not in house getting herpes from 20 different women flav) has been nominated. According to Sara if she gets on the set with Ms. Malkin there will be some…ahem…action? Is action the word? I think its called action.

Now me being associated with certain liberal groups aside, I’m not the biggest fan of Ms. Malkin. But I AM a fan of lesbian action.(do i really need to post a link to such a thing? Yes? Okay, here ya go.) So in order to have some Italian on Evil Bitch action happen…er…I mean…to help my friends dream come true. You might want to go to http://hotbloggercalendar.com/nominate-someone/ and nominate Sara Benincasa (twitter name Sarajbenincasa) along with her lovely blog Que Sara Sara. 

I am terribly confused by her want and need to make this happen. But really, do I need to understand things when it comes to lesbian action? No. I don’t think so. Thats one of the joys of being American.

Obama ‘08.

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I just had this instant message conversation. I was sitting and all of a sudden an instant message bubble popped up and this is what occurred thereafter. 

ApatheticTrout: Anyway, like I was sayin’, salmon is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, salmon-kabobs, salmon creole, salmon gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There’s pineapple salmon, lemon salmon, coconut salmon, pepper salmon, salmon soup, salmon stew, salmon salad, salmon and potatoes, salmon burger, salmon sandwich. That- that’s about it.

me: who are you?

ApatheticTrout: just a guy who doesn’t know much about botany

me: Shall I assume I know you?

me: or are you randomly enlightening people on salmon

ApatheticTrout: probably not, since I don’t know you

me: alrighty then. Thanks for this update. I wasn’t fully on top of my Salmon info for this week but now i feel like i can approach the world with this bit of knowledge.

ApatheticTrout: you’re welcome

best of luck with your work

me: Thank you?

(Yes I typed a question mark) Now this is where this conversation probably should have ended. But after the confusion that is salmon enlightenment I decided to go with this…

me: You realize my work could be the murdering of innocence, right?

ApatheticTrout: i doubt it - this seems pretty harmless

me: Instant messaging? Sure this is harmless, but theres a good chance that i’m only sitting down and instant messaging because i’ve killed so much today that I need a break.

People with hope and something to live for really take it out of a guy.

ApatheticTrout is offline. 

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Ahem.

I realize that is not the most welcoming of titles for a blog post. But its the 1 phrase that I’ve had going through my head for the past 3 days. I went to see the movie Tropic Thunder and Jesus H. Christ. That was funny. There were plenty of mis-steps through out the movie but the highs are so high that I just forgive anything else. Any movie who has a white guy, dressed as a black guy, dressed as an asian guy yelling the term “I’m a lead farmer muthaf*cka!” gets my backing.

By the way, whats up with these groups freaking out over the idea of making fun of retards? The only mocking of retards happens to be the retards who run Hollywood. Jesus, TAKE A CHILL PILL.

Theres nothing better. Robert Downey Jr. is my hero.

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Last nights Shades of Black, the first one ever co-sponsored with the livingliberally.com brand was spectacular. I’m fairly sure I’m supposed to say that(if I care about that whole HUMILITY thing) but I feel like I HAVE to.

I’ve had arguments about the validity of this type of show. And by “This Type” I mean the whole idea of Black comedy that doesn’t fit in the box thats normally set aside for it. You know the box. I know the box. The American People know the box!

Europe? Not so sure about the box.

Back to bragging…er…blogging. Ahem…sorry.

Shades has had some great comedians come across the stage. Greer Barnes, Donald Glover, Wil Sylvince Reggie Watts, Victor Varnado and others have come down and decimated and always left audiences wanting more.  Last night was no exception. Baron Vaughn kicked off the show with his usual high energy antics that required several applause breaks. We were lucky enough to have Dwayne Perkins come down, a mere few hours after taping his Conan O’Brien set. People at the whole thing up. Wyatt Cenac came down and shook the crowd up and they loved it. And new to the Shades team, Reese Waters held down the hosting front. (Special shout out to Baratunde, for taking the last minute warm up spot and really getting the crowd going!)This show was HOT.

Like literally, the room was HOT. those fans was not cooling down that many people. But in the end I was proud to be apart of the show. NEXT STOP: Washington DC. Shades is doing the DC Comedy Festival. Lets see if the Capital is down for it!

Dwayne Perkins at Shades of Black

You’ll have to excuse me now. I think my arm is strained from reaching so far around to pat myself on the back. Don’t worry though, I have ice packs. I’m always prepared. I mean, because it’s happened before. I’m suuuuure it’ll happen again.

(Mental Note to me: Living Liberally is your new best friend Mr. White. You guys need to come together and have beautiful half black/half liberal baby shows and move to Park Slope, Brooklyn)

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Featuring Wyatt Cenac (The Daily Show), Donald Glover (30 Rock), Baron Vaughn (Damn Yankees, Live At Gotham), Reese Waters (Good Morning America) Michelle Buteau (Last Comic Standing) and …

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I used to be a MySpace type of guy.

I was always a fan of how you could do things to your page and it just seemed like you had so much power. I had thousands of friends on MySpace, why? Cause I’m special and obviously very popular.(Yes I know that 90 percent of those people just accepted my friendship request cause THEY wanted to feel special and very popular, but this is MY story damn it.) But I kept hearing about this Facebook. I was eventually lured into this Facebook.

And now I’m hooked. I check my news feed to see what my friends are up to. (Wow those pictures ARE crazy!) I post pictures and tag the shit out of them(haha!I know its just your leg but you’re still in it!) and I see who I might know! (Chris Rock? Of course I might now him).

But for the past few days my account keeps going down. It says I can’t log in or that an error has occurred. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?!?!? I don’t know who superpoked me! It’s somebodies birthday and I CANT SEE! I expect this type of bullshit from MySpace, but you promised me MORE FACEBOOK!  YOU PROMISED ME MORE!

I will not be played like some SUCKER. I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!

p.s. please start working again. Some one commented on a picture and I’m dying to know what they said!

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