Recently as I scoured the blogophere for random information on random things I ran across a picture of of Jessica Simpson wearing a shirt that says “Real Girls Eat Meat”.  I am far from a Simpson fan for a myriad of reasons but for that split second I smiled thought to myself “Thats a cute shirt” and moved on with my life.

This was not the reaction of PETA.

Seems this shirt pissed them off so much they released a few words on the subject.

“Jessica Simpson’s meaty wardrobe malfunction makes us thankful that no one is looking to her for food advice. Chicken-of-the-Sea anyone? The woman who thought that Buffalo ‘Wings’ came from buffalos would benefit from some good veggie brain food.”

Hey PETA? Calm the f**k down.

What’s wrong with these folks. Eating meat isn’t a crime, as much as they’d love for it to be. Its a cute shirt. Ive seen numerous vegetarian t-shirts and I don’t lose my shit.  Theres no reason to attack this broad simply because she had a shirt, thought it was cute and decided to rock it.  Thing is, PETA has a higher than thou attitude anyway, which pisses lots of people off.  But come the f**k on. Get over yourself.  Look what you’ve made me do. I’M DEFENDING JESSICA SIMPSON! Do you know how annoyed I am about that?  This isn’t what I do. I attack and make fun but you’ve forced my hand, and for that I severly dislike you.

Oh, and for being douchey alot of the time

*Note: My girlfriend and best friend are both vegetarians. So I don’t have a problem with the concept. I have a problem with dickwads. Thank you.

At 2:30am Eastern Standard time on June 3rd 2008, after I stepped away from playing way too much of my favorite video game (Call fo Duty 4 = Amazing)  I started to scour the net for news of Obama’s clinching the candidacy. Please note, earlier today I received an instant message from The Secretary of Hate and he said “So are you happy Obama clinched it?” and I told him

“Er…no.”

Simply because I didn’t believe in the clinch. The Associated Press had said he did but watching Hillary Clinton go, I knew you can’t start to celebrate just yet. She’s shown that she is in this till the bitter end.  I was reading that her strategist where planning the “He may have the delegates but she has the popular vote” argument. Of course if it was the other way around she would have told Obama to go fuck himself, but she’s obviously trying to win this whatever way possible. The big news bit right now (Besides the fact that Hillary won’t concede) is the question of whether or not Obama will add her to the ticket. It was at this point that I considered something I haven’t done in years.

Prayer.

I for a split second wanted to ask that the supposed all mighty being of the universe  take time out of…well…universe running, and ask this dude to make sure Obama does NOT make Hillary his running mate.  But then I remembered I don’t believe in God and that I would be, in essence, praying to the factual equivalent of Merlin(Written about alot, but really doesn’t exist) and therefore smacked myself in the head.

But the sentiment behind this fleeting thought remains the same. I pray that Obama doesn’t buckle to the pressure to allow this chick on the ballot. At one point maybe it was reasonable. Maybe this would have been the dream ticket but things have changed.  The Clintons are…I don’t know what to call them but its something that makes my soul itch. Unclean perhaps is the proper term. I don’t know, but I do know that the last person I want to see as his VP is her. I’m wondering how other Obama supporters are thinking? Do they want to see this chick who’s done everything in her power to undermine the very idea that Obama is a good leader now sit by his side? I want her as far away from the white house as possible. If I could have her sit perhaps in Iraq for the next 4 years that would be AMAZING.

This chick wont even concede.  Thats a smack in Obama’s face. I don’t care what political posturing shes’ trying or what she’s holding out for as an offer. If she doesn’t just step away she’s basically trying to hold the democratic party hostage for some sort of negotiation.

Please, please, please don’t let her be VP. I’ll be nice to stupid people from now on, Mr. Runner of the universe, just please dont let her back in.

Okay. Im done.

Hey!

Long time no speak. Well, not really. I just spoke to you approximately 25 minutes ago when you alerted me that I could not enter your precious little club. I’m torn with my feelings on this rejection. Not because I wanted to go to your club so badly (I really didn’t. I had friends who wanted to go and I was simply following) but more because of the dumb rational of me not being allowed in.

It seems that you felt that I was wearing sneaker like shoes. Not sneakers (because seriously, I don’t think sneakers normally have an argyle print on them) but sneaker like shoes. Really? That was the idea behind your rejection? I would have felt better if he you had said “Eh, we don’t let fat guys in.” or “It seems that you may have one eye. We dont let the deformed in.” But a flimsy thing like “sneaker like shoes”?

What was amazing was that you allowed a young lady in a wife beater, baseball cap and jeans with sneakers on right before us. But me with dress pants, a button down shirt and a pair of pimping argyle print canvas shoes is unacceptable for this particular institution. I understand that. I guess I don’t up the eye candy quotient at your lovely establishment like the slightly slutty dressed patron who was allowed admittance. But really. Sneaker like shoes?

The sneaker like shoes in question (Yes they ARE pimpin)

I now have a special little hatred for you. Not even because I wasn’t allowed into your abnormally loud venue (which i wasn’t looking forward to. I’m not even 30 but I’ve become a seriously grumpy old man) but now since I am in an alien city not my own(Not that anything is wrong with DC), and staying with a friend who is currently IN your establishment, i now have to stay awake to assure her re-entry into her home. I could have requested we all leave and find a new place to drink and be merry but that would seem douchey to me. Forcing a group of people to leave because of your intolerance of sneaker like accoutrement. But know this: I was recently introduced to a young lady who has dabbled in the dark art of voodoo. I’m not going to wish death on you but a slow eating cancer seems like just reward for your inappropriate flaunting of power. I mean hey, i’m not a vindictive guy, but you having to have parts of your intestine taken out cause of “the cance” eating you up? Sounds like my idea of heaven.

Ass.

(This is what happens when you have to stay up and wait for your friends to come back from partying. You write unnecessarily mean blogs to people that will never read them. Ah well. Here’s hoping to the cance.)

Episode 7 of THe White House features comedian and VH1 frequenter Carolyn Castiglia. And yes, there is a Rap battle. And this time, It was for respect.

And we're pretty sure Elon didn't get any of it.

“Confronting his critics in the black community and invoking the words of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., a defense attorney for one of the cops charged in the Sean Bell case said Monday morning that his client acted the only way he could in a violent face off that took Bell’s life.”n his closing argument to a Queens State Supreme Court Judge, attorney Anthony Ricco said that Det. Gescard Isnora believed he was under attack when Bell drove his Nissan Altima directly at him the night of Nov. 25, 2006.

Isnora then fired at the car after it not only smacked into him but also after he saw Bell’s friend Joseph Guzman gesture as if he was about to use a gun.

“What in the world was he supposed to be thinking?,” Ricco asked rhetorically…”

As I read this article I found myself wondering was I judging this attorney as a black man defending the shooting of black men, or as a scumbag lawyer who was justifying shooting actual innocent people.

Either way, it wasn’t good.

I don’t have a problem with his blackness as some seem to. One of the cops that opened fire was black, so why can’t a black guy defend him. I DO have a problem with something so obviously wrong being justified. One of the first things that came up when this happened was that it’s police protocol to NOT shoot at vehicles. 50 bullets. 1 car. I don’t know of a way you can justify that, especially when in the end there was NO WEAPON. NO ONE DID ANYTHING.

Ahem. I digress.

Please stop shooting at black people. Even if you’re black, I’d really like you to not to. We have enough problems with out black people getting freaked out by other black people and busting shots.

In the Latest Episode of the White House, Elon recounts being shot in the face. Will the White House crew be nice to him after that? You really haven't been listening if you don't know.

The 2nd Half of Episode 5.

Brought to you The Brooklyn Comedy and The Tank. Hosted by Elon James White featuring Hassan Madry, Aarron Freeman, Katie Halper…

Brought to you The Brooklyn Comedy and The Tank. Hosted by Elon James White featuring Hassan Madry, Aarron Freeman, Katie Halper, Desiree Burch, and Fahnon Bennett.

Brought to you The Brooklyn Comedy and The Tank. Hosted by Elon James White featuring Hassan Madry, Aarron Freeman, Katie Halper, Desiree Burch, and Fahnon Bennett.